TheZahraCut

I thought I understood the world,

I thought I’d grasped emotion by its reins

And steered its course.

I thought myself a disciple of the Visionaries,

Enriched through blessed landscapes

Of Nature’s untouched Spirit.

Looking up at the stars, I’d seen more than light.

I’d seen the future, present and past.

I’d seen those who looked before,

And those who will look hereafter.

I’d seen the Truth,

Held in the astonishing abstraction

Of Nature’s divine hand.

Until this moment, I held this hand,

Traced its lines,

Felt its skin,

Followed its guidance. Yet,

In your light,

With your freedom of words,

With your instinctive acts,

With your unregulated expression,

In the face of all you give,

I am lost.

How careless of me

To think I could harness sense itself

And make it act as I pleased.

Those senses turn on me

In turmoil, pain, and strife.

Emotion strikes its harsh hand —

I am defenceless.

I’d thought I’d conquered all,

Employing a mesh of reason and feeling,

Laying in the security of love felt so surely,

But I am not as mature as I thought.

I am not as mature as you thought.

And here, the cracks show.

The mesh becomes tangled,

The security becomes fragile,

Though I’d seen myself one with Nature

A part of its transcendent Spirit,

A part of its transformative Wonder,

I am reminded that, though I may bear petals,

Though they may be lovely, and soft to the touch,

Though I have been told so,

Though I do believe so,

The petals, in the end,

Belong to a wallflower.

With my quiet actions, my stumbling words,

I can be slow to discern —

Slow to love.

Perhaps this had always been so.

But, for a while,

I was merely held a flower.

I do believe you love me,

I want to.

But now, when I look up at the stars,

In their everlasting beauty,

In their undeniable terror,

In their window to Truth,

My view is misty, my mind is fuzzy.

My heart is weary, my petals droop.

Where is Nature to nurture me?

Where is its Spirit to enrich me?

It seems, though you are unaware,

You understand it.

You understand its call.

So where is my place within this landscape?

Where is my place within your light?

I am not as mature as I thought.